Yesterday, it was hard to be positive. It just hit me that I REALLY have cancer, and there are two options: lie down and cry all day (not an option for me) or get on with trusting God to guide the decisions and steps of everyone involved (I'll take this one).
It wasn't long after the appointment that positive thoughts began to compete for space with the negative ones.
1. Terrah's graduation was yesterday - she is now officially, Dr. Terrah Foster. Very proud.
2. I have health insurance!
3. I am surrounded by people who truly love me every day of my life.
4. I have internet access (just kidding - kind of. I mean, what if we had to go back to pre-internet days! That's not funny.)
5. No one on earth can understand exactly how I feel, but I have a Father who can. There's a great Issac's song that says, "When I don't understand, I have a Father who can."
There are also thoughts of those whose suffering is far greater than my own.
1. Somewhere today there is a young man about my age who has been given news similar to mine, but he doesn't have health insurance. Imagine the increased stress!
2. That same young man doesn't have family members who would gladly take his place or friends who sacrifice their own feelings in the hopes of comforting him.
3. There are those who live in fear every day in Darfur, Afhganistan, Iraq and so many other places.
4. There are precious children sold into slavery every day.
5. Senseless disease and starvation still dominate an enormous amount of lives.
Somehow, the positive and the negative coexist in the same story. We can't understand the negative parts of the story, but we have a Father who can. Corrie Ten Boom tells the story of when she was about 8-years-old, and she asked her father about the meaning of 'sex.' She had seen the word on a sign or something. Casper Ten Boom answered, "Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you."
I will have to trust the Father to carry this for me.
You will have to trust Him with the load that is too heavy for you.
"Our God will fight for us." -Nehemiah 4:20